I have finished my very last final exam in my undergraduate journey this morning,
thus, I have "graduated",
in a way, although I haven't gotten the official conferment.
Last night,
to "celebrate" the coming of my final final exam,
I went to bed early, at 1230am,
(well, although it's past midnight but it's almost 2 hours earlier than my habitual bedtime)
hoping to get up at 630am to get ready for my 9am paper.
However,
at 555am,
I was uncertain that whether it was the hot weather,
or my cortisol level which was my body's response towards the anticipation of the exam,
that woke me up.
I tried to get back to catch another 30mins of nap,
but failed.
So I got up,
did my morning routines,
started packing up my notes and textbook
(it was an open book exam).
Seeing that I still had 1.5hrs till the exam time,
I grabbed my newly bought
When Breath Becomes Air
and indulged in it,
savoring the stories told by Paul Kalanithi,
which kinda refreshed my mind for the day,
till 20mins before the exam time then I left my dorm.
For the past whole week leading up till this moment,
after my second last paper,
I had the thought of not sitting for this very last paper,
as if that if I skip it,
I would not need to graduate,
and leave my undergraduate years.
 |
| First and last picture that I took of my exam papers during my whole uni life. |
Reaching the faculty,
climbing up the stairs towards the examination venue,
I was panting slightly,
heart beating faster,
but it didn't occur that I was unsettled
(although I thought I should be, like I did when I had my last paper in my 3rd year),
neither was I anticipating any celebration after the exam
(like binging on any dessert or burning my lecture notes),
I just felt like,
it was a process,
however I didn't want it to end but I have to embrace it,
with grace and poise,
and so I did.
I ran through the exam questions like how I usually do my exam
(my style of answering exam questions: straight to the point, no unnecessary elaboration, one point/sentence to each mark allocated; the many lines and pages which my neighbors furiously scribbled have never urged me to pad the length of my answers, yup since Year 1 my answers have been short and sweet, I think examiners would have to thank me for making their lives easier LOL).
Although some questions were slightly challenging,
they didn't freak me out
(c'mon, how and why would a soon-to-be graduate care about whether this exam would kill).
Answer booklets collected,
and I'm officially FREE!!!
(my two months holiday, which includes my Taiwan grad trip, research publication preparation and part-time research work, before I officially start working)
Living up till this point,
I still can't imagine that I have actually completed my tertiary education
(oh wells unless I go on to take up Masters/PhD, it would be my last formal education).
And to be honest,
the process which I be a student (the studying, assignments and exams part) was not that hard,
which is not unimaginable nor anywhere unfathomable
(some people might think I'm boasting my ability but I'm serious, I think NUS is not really that much a "pressure cooker" as depicted by people outside, of course experiences vary according to what you choose to study and what kind of lifestyle you adhere to),
what struck me more were the life experiences and relationships that I gained (and lost) throughout the whole process.
Having the chance to study in this university,
I feel tremendously blessed,
for the fact that if it were not for my benefactors
(wells, mostly loans that I have to repay, but let's not discount the fact that they eased my parents' burden),
I wouldn't make it here in the first place.
Landing in this foreign place,
relatives, seniors and friends have helped me getting accustomed to the place,
favours, lifehacks and serious advice,
have helped me grow from a naive kid
to a sensible young adult;
And also first-hand experience of insincere friendships and campus politics,
they kinda hurt but at least now I know that they exist and have learnt how to face it,
and I learn to better appreciate and cherish people who genuinely care about and accept me;
Seeing broken relationships and how fellow schoolmates have academic stress and breakdowns,
helped me understand how fragile people can be and
why fostering strong relationships are important at times in need,
and I learnt how not to blame myself if I couldn't help them
(I almost got minor breakdowns due to multiple stress over the last two years, been there, known it).
Academic and artistic wise,
can't be more grateful to have very good professors, lecturers and mentors (not forgetting peers) who opened my eyes wider to appreciate things I could not if it were not for them,
and for NUS having such wonderful environment to refresh and deepen my artistic sense if I were to pursue a side-career in the arts (NUSSO, YSTCM and the teachers in Theatre Studies are such blessings to me even though I started off, and still currently is, a mediocre artist).
Really thank NUS for being the catalyst to make me sort out my career aspirations,
which I figured our that there are only two options:
academia or performing arts
(thank God that I figured out that I'm not a corporate world person, no need to waste time to apply for those "administration trainee" position, ah ok I applied for two but both got rejected, not even the chance to get an interview),
hopefully I'll be able to decipher whether research is really the path for me over the next year doing the Research Assistant job,
hopefully I'll be able to get a further studies offer somewhere,
and also that I will still have the chance to continue practicing performing arts in my life...
Anyway, too much that I'm grateful for,
and this blog post is certainly not a complete description of what I have in mind
(too much information and so hard to sort them out into words!!!).
Perhaps will write another one when I graduate, with deeper insights and reflections...
No comments:
Post a Comment